


Unrest

by thegrumpiestkuki



Series: Afterwards [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Communication, Half of this is just talking tbh, Internalized Transphobia, Jealousy, M/M, Miscommunication, no editor again so my readers must suffer, somewhat happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:13:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25824187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegrumpiestkuki/pseuds/thegrumpiestkuki
Summary: After visiting everyone due to Juuzou's urging, Mutsuki is now in an established long-distance relationship with Urie. However, Mutsuki is doubtful of Urie's true feelings for him due to the mixed signals he is receiving and jealousy begins to rear its ugly head again.
Relationships: Mutsuki Tooru/Urie Kuki, Saiko Yonebayashi/Hsiao Ching-Li (minor), Touka Kirishima/Ken Kaneki (minor)
Series: Afterwards [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842880
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Unrest

He’d been talking with Juuzou on the phone a lot lately due to Juuzou’s strange insistence. At first Mutsuki had suspected he had been put up to it by Urie and Saiko but after Juuzou had spent the first three calls mindlessly chattering about Hanbee, that thought had been put to rest. Although he felt a little guilty for avoiding calls from everyone else, he figured it would do them good to forget about him. After all, he alone was to blame for the chaos of the dragon. He could barely even look at himself in the mirror these days.

It was surprisingly nice to just have Juuzou to talk to, he didn’t push or prod at Mutsuki’s progress with therapy and was instead just mildly supportive. That was good too, Mutsuki didn’t have to worry about disappointing him if he failed again. It wasn’t suffocating. The loneliness of shutting everyone out was getting to him, and he was glad he could at least have some small sliver of humanity to cling to, not that he deserved it. Maybe after some time he wouldn’t even be welcomed back at home. He knew that it would be better for everyone else, he couldn’t help but despair at the thought. It was selfish, but when had he not been selfish?

If it weren’t for Aura’s incessant clinging to his side during the day maybe he would have just finished the job by now. He didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore but surely they would move on, after all, he couldn’t be that important to them, could he? They probably just helped him out of obligation. Beyond his selfish self-pity, he mostly just felt shame, shame seeping into every fibre of his being, embracing his corruption and ridiculing at his despair. He was embarrassingly human.

Mutsuki sat up against the windowsill, twirling the phone cord around his finger as Juuzou chattered about his day on the phone.

“You should come visit soon by the way. Urie won’t stop talking about you, he keeps coming into my house to mope, it’s so _annoying_. Apparently, he’s doing it to Haise too. He’s not fun to be around, he doesn’t even like sweets!”

“O-oh? Me?”

“Yeah, he really cares about you. I’m glad Hanbee isn’t that annoying”

“Well, maybe to your face” Mutsuki joked, then cringed. Did he deserve to joke? To be carefree and happy? He was glad that it was only a phone call.

Juuzou hummed “Hmm maybe. Why are you ignoring him, anyway? I think it’s weird but Hanbee says you feel guilty”

“Ahh…maybe?”

“Really? That’s kind of dumb. Aren’t you supposed to feel comfortable talking to people about anything if you’re in love with them?”

“I don’t love him!” Mutsuki protested, but the lie even fell flat to his own ears.

“When I was still working for the CCG with Takizawa I could tell that he was in love with Mado because he talked about her all the damn time. Amon said that when you love someone you talk about them all the time, like with me and mister Shinohara”

“I was thinking more along the lines of Hanbee” Mutsuki replied drily.

“Him? I Don’t…Y’know what, problem for another day”

Mutsuki chuckled. He wondered if he’d be stuck as a third wheel if he garnered the courage to visit sometime in the future.

“I don’t know if he’d even like me, really like me. I’m all messed up and I don’t even think anyone would ever want to have sex with me. I’m ruined”

“I don’t really want to know about your sex life, but as your friend I’m going to give you some advice. Suck it up and stop being a coward”

“I just don’t think that will solve the problems”

“It’s worked before!” Juuzou claimed proudly “Besides, you never know unless you try. Otherwise you’re just going to spend the rest of your life miserable and that’s boring. Also, you just admitted you do like him, so I win. You owe me candy next time I see you. And because you owe me that means you have to come visit”

Mutsuki probably could have come up with an argument against Juuzou’s logic if had felt like it, but instead he just found himself smiling. Maybe he had a point. Maybe he should go visit.

*****

The next morning he made his move.

“Hey, Urie. I know I haven’t really called or visited lately but I was wondering if you were free today?”

*****

A few months had passed since their first date to the grocery store and Urie seemed to have been immensely dissatisfied with the idea of his first date being so mundane. Mutsuki had come to the realisation that this was the case after their next few dates had been nothing but pure decadence. At first, he’d thought that Urie was just showing off for Takeomi’s sake, in a silly attempt at renewing the one-sided rivalry they had seemingly put to rest. However, after pretending to get dressed for bed one night while staying at the chateau he had snuck behind a wall and listened to Urie and Saiko converse, learning that the true ploy was to impress him. It was nice to be thought of like that. To be held in such high regard even though he didn’t really think he was worth all of that. Not that he needed any fancy dinners, really, he just wanted to spend time alone with Urie in a place where they could be happy.

He had noticed a softened gaze watching him lately, a far cry from the usual blank, if not slightly irritated expression which typically took refuge. Love was different than he’d imagined it to be. It wasn’t cruel and neglectful, like his father, nor was it crazed and suffocating, like Torso. It wasn’t even like he’d imagined it to be with Haise. There was no yearning to be accepted, to be wanted. Through Urie he was learning that love could be expressed through more than just intimacy. To be loved was to be accepted and cherished just as you were.

They didn’t say I love you often, but Mutsuki always heard Urie murmur it when he thought he was asleep. They didn’t need to say it, really, Mutsuki could feel the love through every action extended to him by Urie. Despite what his boyfriend had claimed about painting to remember his face, it hadn’t seemed to have stopped him now that he was visiting them properly. Mutsuki had awoken one morning to a stream of golden light that may have been beautiful had it not been in his eyes. A bashful Urie was standing in front of the bed holding a paintbrush coated in white. It was nice to see him so vulnerable, a far cry from his formerly emotionally detached self. 

Long distance wasn’t even proving to be much of a challenge so far, with the exception of constantly missing the physical affection he had now been given by his family. Urie even fussed over him when they were apart, demanding that Mutsuki call him at least every two days. Mutsuki suspected that the initial demand was going to be more frequent because he spotted Urie’s faint wince and Saiko’s small grin which she had attempted to hide behind a napkin. Small but deadly. Urie had even taken to trying to care for him while they were apart. One day he had opened his mailbox to find an envelope containing a single tube of lip balm with a note that said ‘Your lips are chapped. Fix that’. He’d laughed at that, it was seemingly rude and direct, but it was Urie and he loved him for that.

It was almost perfect, almost. Though Mutsuki had visited as frequently as he could over the past few months, Urie had yet to touch him intimately again. More than that, he actively shied away when Mutsuki tried to initiate anything. At first, he’d tried to reassure himself that Urie was just being dumb and wanted to go slow to make sure that Mutsuki was comfortable, but weeks had turned into months and he was left completely confused. Lately he’d given up on seducing his boyfriend and taken to brooding whenever they were apart. Mutsuki really couldn’t make sense of the matter, Urie seemed to want him sexually the first time, and he seemed to love him, so why wouldn’t he just touch him?

Mutsuki glanced up from the book he was reading, eyes fixed on Urie who was searching through his cupboard for a jumper.

“This one?” Urie asked, pulling out a jumper that was identical to the rest of Urie’s clothes, black.

“Sure” Urie still looked a little unsure so Mutsuki amended his answer “It looks good on you”

Mutsuki smiled a little as he watched Urie mess around with his hair in the mirror. He had forgiven Urie for the breech of privacy a few months ago. After all, Urie seemed to be repentant of his actions. Mutsuki had yet to talk about his past but Urie didn’t seem to mind. Urie’s hair really did look nice lately, he’d let it grow out slightly, though it was still neat and tidy. But maybe it would like rather nice if it were messy too.

“Do you remember the last time we were in your room and _no one was home_?” Mutsuki asked, wondering if Urie would get the hint.

“Wha-oh, yeah” Urie glanced at his lips before shutting his own mouth into a thin line.

Why are you shutting off emotions? You seem to want me so why won’t you just touch me.

“Did you want to again?”

Do you want me?

Urie really wasn’t subtle at all. When Mutsuki had first met him, he had seemed impossible to read. It wasn’t until that night at the auction that he had learnt he really was a very emotionally driven person. The secret to reading him was all in the eyes and micro reactions. The trouble was that Urie kept turning away or looking down when Mutsuki tried to talk to him.

“I think we should leave soon. I want to get us some coffee before we get to their house”

Avoidance. They still had an hour until they had to be there. Tell me if you don’t want me. Are you a coward, Urie? I am too.

“Okay” Mutsuki responded, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

Urie helped Mutsuki into his jacket and ushered him out of the bedroom. Mutsuki followed, wringing his hands.

*****

Urie’s knuckles rapped on the light wood. One, two, three times. Mutsuki could hear some voices inside the house, a baby crying. He was going to see them, talk to them, to his former squad member and…her. He had almost ruined their lives, it was his worst fuck up by far and yet here he was going to face it, face them. Mutsuki had seen Touka for a bit after Haise had turned into that thing but he’d avoided talking to her and Urie and Saiko had covered for him. He couldn’t let other people do that for him anymore, it was his problem to face.

The door creeped open and Touka peered out, holding it open wider when she recognised them. She was still as beautiful as the first time he’d seen her. But now instead of feeling the wrath of jealousy wash over him, he only felt guilt. She didn’t look angry, in fact she was smiling, yet Mutsuki’s fingers still fumbled with a loose thread on his pants.

“Hey, come in. Ken is just dealing with Ichika, she’s being fussy today”

They made their way into the house, stopping in what seemed to be the kitchen. There were a lot of pots and pans sitting in the sink and Mutsuki wondered what use ghouls would have for them. Did they have a lot of company? Human friends? Mutsuki knew that Yoriko and Touka were once friends so maybe they had become close again.

Touka yanked the half-empty takeaway cup from Urie’s hands and tossed it in the trash.

“I paid for that!” Urie glared.

“It was shit, I’ve made us better coffee. Take a seat”

Touka’s coffee must have been good, because Urie didn’t even argue, he just grumpily accepted the mug she offered. She also placed a cup in front of Mutsuki, but he didn’t dare touch it.

Hais-no, Kaneki-Kaneki walked into the room and gave a small wave, sitting in the chair across from Mutsuki “Hi, you two. Sorry about taking so long. Ichika threw up on my shirt so I had to change it”

He’s here. He’s here. He’s here. I hurt him. I hurt his wife.

“Babies seem disgusting” Urie commented, seemingly unaware of Mutsuki’s distress.

Touka sat down next to Mutsuki. So close, too close.

“I’m sorry” He blurted out “For _everything_ ”

Urie’s hand entwined with his under the table, a silent message. I’m here with you. It will be okay.

Kaneki blinked “We know, you wrote us a letter”

You aren’t angry?

Mutsuki’s nails dug into Urie’s hand “But you don’t get it, I hurt you. I hurt you **_really, really bad_**. You have scars on your face!” He looked to Touka “And you, I almost killed you! I **_wanted_** to!”

Touka took a swig of her coffee “I have enough self-loathing, suicidal people in my life”

“Touka!”

“I mean it. We don’t need any more lives lost”

She looked determined and fierce but underneath her gaze Mutsuki could tell that she was just as scared and broken as the rest of them. Touka wanted to be strong for everyone else. He felt awful for everything he’d put her through. She didn’t deserve this pain.

“So, uh, Mutsuki. What _things_ have you been up to?” Kaneki said, always at the ready to be a peacemaker. He really was fit to be king, albeit, an awkward one.

Mutsuki glanced at Urie to see if he could determine how he was feeling, but he was looking at Touka. Was it because she was pretty? He knew very well that men liked pretty women and Touka definitely fit that definition.

“Oh, I’ve just been doing lots of work, y’know” Mutsuki answered politely.

“What about in your free time?”

“Ah, I don’t really do much, just work a lot”

“He works **very** hard” Urie interjected.

“Ken, remember what I asked you to do earlier” Touka said, looking at Kaneki expectantly.

“About that…” He started, sounding reluctant.

“Ken”

“Okay, okay”

She turned her attention to Urie and gave him a meaningful look “I want to talk with Mutsuki alone”

Urie frowned “No”

Touka rolled her eyes “I’m not going to beat him up. I just want to talk. Alone. You two need to get lost and give us fifteen minutes”

“It’s okay” Mutsuki spoke up “I want to talk to her too”

Whatever she wanted to say or do to him, he would take it. It was what he deserved. Urie and Kaneki shouldn’t have to see it though. He could lie to Urie later about whatever would happen, he was good at that.

“Fine, but we’re not going far” Urie stated, still eyeing Touka with a clear lack of trust.

Urie stood up, tugged at Kaneki’s arm and pulled him from the room, leaving Mutsuki and Touka alone at the kitchen table. He couldn’t look her in the eyes like this. He stared down at the table. There was a large coffee splatter on the tablecloth, as if someone had spit someone out. How strange. He wondered who had done that, weren’t ghouls supposed to be good at making coffee? It really was-

“Mutsuki”

Mutsuki cringed, ready to be yelled at. He deserved it, really. He almost killed Kaneki and Touka…not to mention the baby. He was a monster.

Touka, however, just leaned forward on the table and whispered conspiratorially “ _So_ , how’s the love life?”

“ _What?_ You aren’t going to…y’know be pissed off at me? Now that te-Kaneki is gone. You could hit me. He wouldn’t know”

She sighed “I thought it was dumb too. Itori told me asking people about love lives gets them to be comfortable and open up more. Stupid advice”

Mutsuki didn’t know who Itori was but he assumed that she must have been some ghoul friend. Maybe Kaneki knew her too.

“I…sorry?”

“Don’t be, seriously. I wanted to talk to you alone because I figured you needed to listen to what I was saying and I got the feeling you didn’t get the point before and those two are too kind to you to speak honestly”

He looked down, ashamed “I was listening before too”

“I don’t mean literally. Ken told me that you were always a lot like him, and I know that it takes a lot to really hammer home the point that people want him alive”

Mutsuki didn’t really know what to answer that statement with, so he remained silent.

Touka drained the last of her coffee “Have you made any plans on moving back?”

Moving back already? He couldn’t. He wanted to, he wanted so badly. He shook his head.

“Yeah, well maybe get a move on with that. Your boyfriend is over here way too often, it’s annoying. Ken told me I shouldn’t mention it to you, but screw that”

“Oh…maybe. I just don’t really know too many people here now I’ve been living away for so long” He said.

**Liar.** He knew plenty of people. He just didn’t want them to see him.

“You met Hinami yet?”

“Not yet” Another ghoul?

“I think you’d like her. She’s sweet and would make a good friend. My brother might take a bit more to warm up to, though. He’s a jerk to anyone who hurts me” She snorted “Excluding himself of course. The bastard”

“What do you mean?” He wasn’t sure if he should even be asking her questions but judging by Touka’s sudden serious look, they seemed to be welcomed.

“Ken, he…and my brother had a fight” Touka had a slight faraway look in her eyes, as if she were recalling the event visually.

“Oh, just a fight?” Mutsuki didn’t really see what the big deal an argument was. Everyone in his life had one at some point.

“ _Well._.. he kind of broke half of the bones in his body”

Mutsuki gasped “Your brother hurt him that much?”

She raised her eyebrow and tapped on Mutsuki’s mug, indicating for him to drink his untouched coffee “Oh, no, the other way around”

“And you still-but you married him? Even though he hurt your brother?”

“I did. Do you see what I’m getting at?”

Mutsuki lifted the cup and took a tentative sip. It was good, better than good “You can still be around people even if they hurt the ones you love?”

Touka snorted “Well, something like that. I was thinking more love, less putting up with”

“But you don’t even know me” He protested. He didn’t know if he could really accept her forgiveness.

“Not yet. I think I already love Saiko and I might just love that boyfriend of yours if he pisses off and gives us alone time sometimes. Now my offer extends to you. It’s a clean slate. You don’t have to take it, but I would like a chance for us to be friends”

She was so bold and direct, it was admirable. Mutsuki was a liar and he rarely said what he felt. He used to criticise Urie for the same thing. Urie was right that night of the auction, he really was a hypocrite.

“Hey, you two. _**Stop trying to listen behind the door**_ ” Touka called, only looking mildly pissed off and mostly amused.

Mutsuki smiled at her.

*****

“-That’s only because Saiko _stole_ the console so none of us could practice!” Hsiao said accusingly, though her eyes sparkled with mirth.

“Did not!” Saiko screeched, pushing the candy bowl out of Hsiao’s reach.

“You absolutely did” Urie laughed.

Urie had a nice laugh, it was low and smooth, almost like a thunderstorm. If Mutsuki were familiar with it maybe it would have comforted him, made him fantasise about hearing that laugh again, but instead he just bit his nails as he watched their friends talk. They were currently sprawled on the floor taking turns to play a video game that Hsiao, Urie and Saiko apparently liked. Apparently, they played it all the time too, without him. Mutsuki knew he couldn’t blame them for excluding them, it wasn’t their fault he moved away but he couldn’t help but feel left out. He never thought Urie would be one to play videogames, he used to scoff at Saiko’s hobbies. Maybe them moving in together changed him. Maybe that was why. Maybe.

“You and me this round, Uriboo. I’m going to sweep the floor with you” Saiko said, reaching over to tickle his neck.

Oh? Urie was okay with that? The Urie Mutsuki knew hated being touched. He wasn’t special after all.

“Deal” Urie said, taking the controller Hsiao gave him and sitting up as Saiko pressed play.

“Saiko has been teaching us over the past few months” Hsiao explained as she shuffled over to sit next to Mutsuki while the two watched the others play.

“Months?” Mutsuki questioned.

“Yeah. Urie didn’t mention it?”

Mutsuki shook his head, placing the candy he was holding back in the bowl. He wasn’t hungry anymore. Juuzou was probably wrong about Urie, he felt like an idiot. He watched the pair play the game together, they seemed awfully close. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t noticed before. Urie called him once every two days, sometimes more and he hadn’t mentioned this once. What other parts of his life had he omitted?

Urie looked so at ease as he joked around with Saiko, exchanging playful barbs related to their video game skills. He never looked like that around Mutsuki, there was always an air of sorrow. Mutsuki wondered if the others really forgave him or if they were just pretending to for Urie’s sake.

“ **Cheater!** That was a dirty move” Saiko said as she threw down the controller.

Urie grinned “I still won. Therefore, the sweets are mine”

“You don’t even like sweets!”

“I’ll eat it just to spite _you_ ” Urie winked at her. He picked up a piece of the candy and popped it in his mouth to prove the point.

_**So that’s how it was.** _

Saiko pouted but brightened slightly when Hsiao pressed a kiss to her cheek, whispering something.

Mutsuki felt like he was suffocating. He wanted to get out, he needed to leave. She wasn’t a monster, she could offer Urie a normal life.

“Are you ready to go to bed?” Urie asked.

“I’m not tired. I’m going to get some air” He mumbled, making his way towards the front door.

*****

Mutsuki’s hands were cold against the concrete of the stairs, chilled from the night air. Being in the city again was different, there were no stars in the night sky as a distraction. He was supposed to stay another day with them all, make the most of his weekend, but maybe he could just fake being needed for work. He was a good liar. It was unfair and almost cruel to be treated as if you were wanted, only for it to be so fucking obvious that you were just a missing puzzle piece in an attempt to go back to how things were. In the countryside the air was easier to breathe.

“Come inside. It’s cold” Urie said, opening the door with a furrowed brow.

“No”

Urie closed the door, taking a seat next to him on the stairs. Out of the corner of his eye, Mutsuki could see that he had an expectant expression on his face. How typical.

“You can’t go after people who are already in relationships, you know. I learnt my lesson on that” Mutsuki said bitterly, drawing his knees to his chest.

“What?”

“So much for happy families, what a bunch of **bullshit** ”

They never wanted him, they just needed him. Urie just didn’t want to break up with him so he wouldn’t leave. He was a monster, disgusting, grotesque.

“What are you talking about?”

“Saiko” He bit out “You like _her_ ”

“Where did you get that from?” He asked incredulously.

“It’s just so obvious, it’s almost pathetic. What, are you upset that Hsiao got to her first?”

“Tooru, **stop it**. Don’t go down that path again, just talk to me”

“I’ve been _trying to_ for months now! You keep pushing me away. Would have been nicer if you’d just told me you weren’t attracted to my situation. Then again, you’ve never been nice”

“Tooru…” Urie said, looking at a loss for words.

“I should have never come to visit in the first place”

“You don’t mean that” Urie assured, though his voice wavered slightly and when Mutsuki looked up at him, he could see that his eyes were watery.

He didn’t mean it, not really.

The thickness of his throat finally caught up to him as a tear trickled down his cheek “Maybe…”

Urie swallowed “Tell me honestly, _please_ ”

Mutsuki’s resolve crumbled and he collapsed against Urie, sobbing “No, I lied. I’m a _liar_. I’m a **fucking** liar”

He felt Urie’s arms surround him as he buried his face in Urie’s shirt. It would probably be covered in snot by the time he stopped crying, but right now all he could focus on was being enveloped by the faint scent of paint and his own misery. To some Urie probably smelt like disgusting chemicals, but Mutsuki reveled in the comforting intoxication.

Urie spoke, lips moving against Mutsuki’s forehead as he leaned against him “You’re jealous, I’m obsessive. We both have issues”

Mutsuki laughed “I’ll drink to that”

Urie made a frustrated noise “That’s not the point. Stop thinking that you aren’t enough for me. I’ve made mistakes too”

“Not as bad as me”

“It’s not a contest” He said harshly, voice rough with emotion.

Mutsuki bunched up Urie’s shirt in his hands “Okay”

“Saiko and I have gotten a lot closer while you’ve been gone. We talk about you when I get upset. That’s all” Mutsuki felt a hand start to stroke his back “Talk to me. I’ll listen this time. I’m sorry”

“When you flinch away when I try to touch you it made-makes me feel bad about myself. Sometimes I wish I could be more of a woman for you. I’m not-“

“-It’s not that. I don’t even think I’m into women, honestly” Urie cut in.

“But they’re so pretty! And beautiful. So delicate” Mutsuki sniffled.

“I’ve only ever been interested in you. It’s always been you”

“Sometimes I wish I was a woman” Mutsuki admitted “I think it would be easier. The dysphoria, it’s just so hard to deal with”

“I know. I mean-I don’t know but I-“ He hesitated “I wish I could make you see the way I view you”

“Is that what you’re trying to do with all those paintings” Mutsuki half-joked.

“Maybe. But I wasn’t lying when I said you were nice to look at”

“Huh? You never told me that”

Urie remained silent, though Mutsuki could feel his body tense against his. Urie was panicking. It was almost as if he’d been caught like a naughty child, almost as if he really had-

“So, you do have an over-reactive internal monologue!” Mutsuki exclaimed.

Urie looked almost…embarrassed? Hah!

“I, uh…”

“We used to talk about that and Shirazu said for sure you do. So, what kinda things do you say about me in your head?”

Urie chuckled “I worry about you not eating, or if your clothes have loose threads. I take note of whether you have bags under your eyes and try to think of ways to help you sleep. I think about the way you look a lot and I like it a lot…as you know”

“I don’t. Not really, you never say it, so I thought that maybe I was off-putting the first time so that’s why you were avoiding it”

“Tooru, _you are the most beautiful person I’ve **ever** seen_”

Not just cute or pretty or even handsome, but beautiful. Maybe he didn’t need to be like Touka, or Saiko or even Hsiao. Maybe he didn’t need to be a woman to be desired, maybe he could just be as he was. That could be enough.

His eyes widened “Oh”

“I’m sorry I was avoiding the issue. I should have just talked to you. I wanted the next time to be romantic and I kept trying to brush you off until I thought of something deserving of you”

“I don’t need that. I just need to be _wanted_ ” He admitted.

Urie’s grip loosened and he used his free hand to tilt Mutsuki’s face upwards, thumb brushing away a stray tear “You _are **always**_ wanted. Having sex doesn’t mean showing love”

“I guess I’m used to that. After…things have happened”

“You shouldn’t be. It’s not like that for us. I’m not like that…right?” Urie looked a little fearful. His eyes were red rimmed and Mutsuki felt a pang of guilt for hurting him, for having such an immature outburst.

Mutsuki thought about what he asked.

“No”

Urie smiled and patted his lap, arms drawn out like a welcoming hug “Come here”

Mutsuki pushed himself up, then nestled on Urie’s lap, winding his arms around his neck. His fingers tightened against Urie’s collar as he held onto him like a lifeline. Urie’s teeth chattered, it really was freezing outside, they should go inside soon.

“Sorry, Kuki. I guess I just ruin everything, don’t I?”

“You don’t. We both contributed to this” Urie pressed a kiss to the top of Mutsuki’s head “You sure you don’t want anything romantic?”

Mutsuki shook his head.

“Next time we can go all day if you want then”

“Like a wild sex-fest” Mutsuki giggled into his neck.

“Please never call it that again”

“I’m going to send Saiko some chocolates. I think she deserves them after everything I’ve done” Mutsuki mused.

Poor Saiko, he’d let jealousy corrupt him again and he knew he would have to report this to his therapist. Mutsuki thought he’d been making a lot of progress. He vowed to send her as many snacks as she wanted, maybe he could ask Juuzou for advice on the best ones. Fuck, he owed Juuzou sweets too.

“She doesn’t need to know, it’s okay”

“I want to send them anyway” Mutsuki said firmly.

Urie said nothing, he just held him, hands entwined as their tears began to dry.

**Author's Note:**

> *claps hands* COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT
> 
> I have part 3 halfway written so it shouldn’t be too long of a wait. Warning in advance for part 3 tho, it is 90% sex scene with some sprinkles of plot so you could probably skip it if you aren’t comfortable with reading sex scenes. I am thinking of making a part 4 which will be all plot and maybe including a visit to Juuzou? If I did make a part 4 is there anything in particular you would like to see? I feel so awful for making this as angsty as it was lmao but I felt like it was important to show that Mutsuki is still struggling and has yet to completely overcome his struggles, but he is trying. This is also not a fix-all for Mutsuki’s issues they will continue to be addressed in the next part/s.
> 
> My tumblr is [thegrumpiestkuki](https://%20https://thegrumpiestkuki.tumblr.com/) come and chat or request something!


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